Good Grief! | Navigating The 5 Stages of Grief The RIGHT WAY!

Transcript

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​The waves are not going to be as heavy when you go against the current, that's where you can be taken over by the wave and drown. And so that's another story for another day. For individuals talk about teaching about it, but I'm just giving you guys my ride of the waves of grief. And so next is bargaining, right? Okay. Okay. Right, today we're going to be talking about good grief, understanding the dynamics of grief and how to respond when you get to a good place. And first and foremost, welcome to the podcast. This is more or less. I'm so excited to have you guys here with me today. Nevertheless, let's get into it. So I first want to start off with the stages of grief. Generally there are five main studied levels of grief. Which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Let's start with the first one. Denial. When it comes to the denial with the grief, it's a place of not wanting to receive what happened for what it did. A story of when we lost. I did not want to believe what the doctor had said. I did not want to believe. What was happening in that moment when I lost my wife? I felt something when the doctor pulled me into that side room and told me what happened on the way to the hospital I felt something in that moment and I was really sitting there asking God What is going because a part of me felt like the worst thing you could think of And then another part of me was very hopeful that it would be all over soon. And then my wife would wake up. The reality of it is that it was the former and not the latter. And so for a brief moment after denial came anger and I was. In a place where I had to take a lot of time to myself because I didn't want to lash out on my kids, friends, families, people that were around coping with us, I dived in deep into my prayer time to my connection with God and really relied on my faith to get through this season of anger. And I'll tell you, anger didn't last long. However, I tell people all the time in this space that grief never ends. And so when you have a strong attachment to someone, whether you lost a loved one, friend, family, wife, spouse, kid, there are going to be moments that if you didn't go through the process of grief, properly Then it will hit you at times when you least expect it You'll be having the best week ever then wake up the next day and just be mad at everyone in those moments You have to recognize that I am still Riding the roller coaster of grief and this is just another ticker in that process and so you have to accept that these moments might pop up at different times. For example, denial will happen in instances like I'm just sitting here and I'll look over and memories of my wife and I'll say, Wow, she's really not here. I'll have moments with my kids and we're having a good time. We're laughing. We're playing. We're out about doing things and I'm like, wow, she's really not here. And whatever your situation may be, there might be flutters. There might be instances. There might be encounters where you remember that situation and think back wow, that person's really gone on birthdays, holidays, different things come around and different waves of grief are going to hit you, but I, but trust that when you ride the waves of grief. The waves are not going to be as heavy when you go against the current, that's where you can be taken over by the wave and drown. And so that's another story for another day. For individuals talk about teaching about it, but I'm just giving you guys my ride of the waves of grief. And so next is bargaining, right? Next bargaining is a, is that stage where you're trying to make sense of the matter. Hey, I'll do this if you do this, God, like this will change God, when you have those bargaining conversation with God trying to figure out why. What, when, how, all the different questions you can pop into your mind. The fact remains that the situation is the situation. And then once you get there, the hardest part that a lot of people stay in the longest is depression. They just are succumbed by the loss, sit in that loss, And don't ask for help. Don't seek for a way out. They got past bargaining, past denial, got past anger, and they're just in that wallowing of depression. And the saddest part I think is we have to get to that stage of acceptance to really walk into that place of peace. And and that memory of that person might pull us Cause they want us to live for them. They want us to live on. I saw, I know it's from a TV show from, I believe it was from arrow or the flash where the hero says dying is the easy part. The heroes have to live on for those that have died in the way. And so I believe your arrow said that to the flash on like one of the last episodes, but that concept reigns true where. That person is gone. They're not coming back, but we have to then live forward. There's so many people that died with purpose Died for a cause died with intent and we have to live for that person my wife She was a on fire prophet for the nations for the body of christ. She loved family She loved the lord and she set such an amazing example for that and it is our duty You To represent that in our lives everything that we represent as a family everything that she taught preached Showed us she displayed she lived and was a good and faithful servant unto the lord, right? She was an awesome wife awesome mother and in the awesome sister awesome friend like you can ask anyone that's listening to this that knew my wife Can say the same thing, right? And so with that, we can't let her life be in vain. We can't let those that are gone, their lives being vain. We have to rise up to the occasion, but depression will keep us in a split space of not doing, of not performing, of not setting the bar. Where it needs to be. I tell a lot of people this, that like me and my wife were working on a lot of things. She was very supportive with pushing my business. And a lot of people didn't understand all the things that were happening in the back end, all the prayer, all the sacrifice, all the things they was doing. They just see things from their perspective on the forefront. But the support my wife gave. It's going to be hard to find, it's hard to find that in individuals, period. And to have that as your spouse, it's going to be irreplaceable. And we got to a place where I would tell people, I feel like God opened up all these doors when my wife's help and support, but she can't walk through them. Like for me, for my kids, we're all at this place, I'm at this journey in my life right now where all these things are happening, all these doors are open, all these opportunities are right before me. And we've waited years, listeners, my wife and I were going on nearly 10 years of marriage. And working that hard in ministry and building our family and building what all this stuff is ministry. All this stuff is our business compiled together, right? That's what before you and for her not to be able to taste the fruit of that. It is a weight that's gonna be heavy to carry, but I have to carry it because her work would've been in vain. Her sacrifice would've been in vain. Everything that she pushed and instilled in our family will be in vain if we don't do nothing with it. If we don't do nothing to honor that life, to honor that support, to honor that sacrifice. And so we have to get to that place of acceptance, and we need to get to that place of acceptance because that's what fuels us to keep. And so in that whole steps of grief, I encourage you to understand that it's okay to not be okay. Seek prayer, seek support, seek counseling, but then the sun will shine on you again. And once you get to that place of acceptance, it's not that you're forgetting about the person. It's not that you're no, there were nothing is that you've, Understand the reality of the matter. You have to keep living. You have to keep going. You have to understand that they're not coming back. And I say that with love. I say that with understanding. I say that with peace. I don't want, you don't know the person's relationship. I love my wife and my whole heart. I wish every day she was still here. I wish every day we're still raising our kids together, but accepting the fact that I can't do nothing about it. Now, I can only be the best dad. I can be best brother. I can be breast father. I can be best person. I can be for my family, for those in my circle, for those around me, for you, the listener, I have to rise up to the occasion. And by doing that, I walk in this life, the way that God has purpose for me. Sorry, I knocked the mic. In that place of acceptance, it's okay to be okay again. The hardest thing that we, men especially, have to deal with is saying it's okay to not be okay. But even more we can now say, it's okay. And so that's part of the acceptance and understanding that you still have to ride the waves. The waves are always going to be flowing. The waves are always going to be rising and crashing down. They're going to be mellowed out for a little bit, and the next thing you know, a big typhoon is going to hit you. But if you ride that wave, you won't succumb to it, you won't drown. And again, most people get caught up in the current of depression. Maybe not denial, maybe not anger. Some do anger, most do depression and they succumb to that and they can never regain traction. They can never get back afloat. They stay under, they drown in that. And that is not we need to do, we need to rise up. We need to look at that situation in the face and say, it is what it is. We're here now. And I just got to keep living life because grief never ends. And that's the other part of acceptance. Grief never ends. The waves always come. And once you understand that you can ride the waves, you can say, Hey, this is not a good day. I'm emotionally unable to perform. I'm able to be who I am in this moment because. The waves are waving again. So I encourage you guys to take that how you need to take that. Understand that I'm here with you. There's a community of people like you that have lost greatly. They lost abundantly. They lost very close. They lost many for different reasons. You're not alone. I'm not alone. We're in this together. And so I encourage you guys. As you continue to go on this journey with me, continue to give your life more and not less. Be more and not less. Thank you guys for listening. Catch you next time. Okay. Okay.